Free invisible hit counter ProfShade: Speaking of Scully: Gillian Anderson Screed

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Speaking of Scully: Gillian Anderson Screed

I mean, c'mon. Is she everything a man could want in a woman?
A sultry red-head with the voice of a come-hither Cingular One customer service rep?
(don't get me started on that tangent...)

...seriously considers the most outlandish fabrications and tall tales put to her with a fuzzled-brow expression of pure concentration?
(honest, dear, I was late 'cause the aliens abducted me...)

...performs alien autopsies with one hand tied behind her back?
(and let's not go to that galaxy either...)

When X-Files first came out, Gillian (rhymes with bazillion, of course) was the first celebrity who compelled me (yes, she personally compelled me) to venture online looking for nude celebrity photographs. To my dismay, there were none. Well, at least none that weren't PhotoShops of some Ventura, California skank stag-flick fluffer's bod* pasted under her adorable head shot. Humph. So that's why I heedlessly squandered my retirement account by purchasing PhotoShop. I went online constantly, ever in search of the best body-- the only body-- that I imagined would befit her face, her voice and her psyche. I spent hours, days, months...
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...and now I'm broke, iving in a cardboard box outside of Starbucks...Starbucks because they have Wi-Fi...and a shop around the corner that sells clove cigarettes.

[obligatory, post-modern denial of personal responsibility following]

Damn you, Gillian Anderson, damn you!

*grammarian's note: this may be the longest adjective-noun combination not requiring serial comma punctuation ever posted on a Web site.