Ten Celebrities You'd Like to See Dead
So this is the anniversary of John Lennon's death. Jeff has a nice piece and a round up on it here. Which reminds me: it was shortly after the John Lennon shooting that I became sick of celebrity deaths, the good celebrities dying, anyway. I didn't particularly like Lennon's politics, but shit, he wasn't annoying enough to shoot, damit. What's with shooting Lennon? On a good day, Chapman could have taken out at least five or six NYC celebrities that were more deserving of a hot lead slap on the back. Woody Allen. One of the Gabor sisters. Fidel Castro on his way to the U.N. John Davidson. Charles Nelson Reilly.
So each year thereafter I began to compile my annual list of Ten Celebrities I'd Like to See Dead. Celebrities who, due to the totally unredeeming nature of their black, tar-like souls should have, in a more just world, been there to take a bullet for Lennon, to have swallowed the lethal ham sandwich for Mama Cass, or choked on their own vomit in a Hollywood cabana so John Belushi wouldn't have.
I'm reviving the tradition. Please post your nominees in the comment section, complete with most fitting means of death. I'll post the best. I already know who three are:
Michael Moore-- Being fat, arrogant and ugly don't get you on my list. But biting the hand hard, right up to the elbow, that feeds your lard-ass by spreading anti-American diarrhea, world wide, sure gets you top votes in this unpoularity contest. Drop his ass off in downtown Mosul and see how long he lasts.
Michael Jackson-- He's been on the list since its inception. Tenacious little, child- molesting freak. Not that there's anything wro...oh wait, yes there is...Septicemia from plastic surgery.
Alec Baldwin-- Flatuence. Terminal flatuence.
Hey, look on the bright side, it's been a very good year so far-- Arafat, Sallinger. I'd just hate like hell to lose someone like Ann Coulter if Jane Smalley still gets to suck air and stink up the place.