Exclusive: O'Reilly Meets SpongeBob in a Pineapple under the Sea
O'Reilly: First off, thanks for being here. Those wackos at that organization, those pinheads, never mind them. So you're gay? So what! But when did it start? When did you know?
SpongeBob: uh-heh, uh-heh...I started out as a contraceptive, uh-heh uh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.
O'Reilly: A contraceptive sponge?
SpongeBob: uh-heh-heh-heh. Yep. I think that turned me. Hours and hours in there. Some tramp from the Lower East side. It was like being stuffed into a wet mitten that smelled like--
O'Reilly: Whoa! Whoa! Too much detail!
SpongeBob: After that I was somehow different. Uh-heh. I knew I was somehow changed forever.
O'Reilly: Understandable. But why are you promoting gay lifestyles? I mean, c'mon! You want every kid in America to just go gay?
SpongeBob: We had a meeting--
SpongeBob: uh-heh uh-heh gay aquatic lifeforms.
O'Reilly: You don't want to use that acronym, believe me.
O'Reilly: Never mind. Go on.
SpongeBob: ...and we haven't had a truly effective spokesfish since Flipper. Uh-heh.
O'Reilly: Flipper? Really? I would have guessed that whale you saw with Popeye every once in awhile. Looked kinda dopey and didn't say much. But anyway, so you took the lead?
SpongeBob: I always do! uh-heh.
O'Reilly: Again, too much information.
SpongeBob: That's why I'm here! But we aren't telling kids to be gay. We're just targeting fish. And maybe a mollusk or two.
O'Reilly: Well, what's wrong with that? I'm sure I've had some grilled gay grouper in my life and never even knew about it. But all the best to you, Bob. Don't listen to your critics...they're just jealous. You're a stand-up kinda sponge. And we appreciate that.
SpongeBob: Can I out Nemo while I'm here? uh-heh-heh-heh-heh
O'Reilly: Uh...no. Not a good idea.
O'Reilly: Next up, and you're not gonna believe this, is Barbara Boxer sponsoring legislation that will force you to feed your children crack cocaine and fornicate on your front lawn with the cable repair guy while you're at work? Stick around.
cross-posted at LifeLike Pundits