If Sean Penn Were Interviewed by a Strict Grammarian in Ronald Reagan's Ass
"I wrote a letter to the Washington Post a couple of years ago, before we went into the war," Penn said. "The very things I was criticized for saying then are now being reported by Bill O'Reilly. I was criticized for suggesting the possibility there were no weapons of mass destruction."But the bigger issue is that it's an absolutely stupid notion that you should take the title of someone's profession and attach it to what they should not do. It has nothing to do with citizenry. I think they should shove it with their hypocritical Ronald Reagan standard right up their ass."
Grammarian: I'll get straight to the point, Mr. Penn...in a recent statement found in the Washington Post you make a vain-glorious attempt to insure that an uncertain something is shoved unceremoniously inside of an unidentified person's ass. The item to be inserted in this nebulous rectum is termed a 'hypocritical Ronald Reagan standard.' Aside from the cascading pronoun reference problems and misplaced modifiers, do you have a definition for this 'Reagan standard,' and is it substantive enough, in fact corporeal enough in nature to be inserted into any orifice, let alone the unknown rectum you so vilely mention in your interview?
Penn: There you fuckin' guys go again. I can talk you know. I have rights. Just because I'm an actor doesn't mean I don't know politics.
Grammarian: Politics, well, let's leave the politics until you can find that ass or a reasonably articulate sentence structure. Are these ephemeral ass-crammers using the 'Reagan standard' as a packing wedge, as your sentence structure would indicate, or is this 'standard' just one of many things intended for an inter-colon destination? And again, whose ass, precisely is it, Mr. Penn, that you'd want violated with this unknown quantity of 'Reagan standard?' You mention 'they?'
Penn: That's right. They. The motherfuckers that attach labels.
Grammarian: Vintners and stock clerks?
Penn: Yeah, if they love Reagan.
Grammarian: Otherwise their assholes are safe?
Penn: Around me. I'm not so sure of you.
Grammarian: So let's recap-- any vintner or stock clerk who likes Reagan should have wine labels, price tags and a hypocritical standard shoved up their asses, correct?
Penn: That about does it. You're a fuckin' pimp though compared to O'Reilly, you know? Can we get outta here now? It smells like shit in here.
Grammarian: That would be the sweet waft of your hypocrisy, Mr. Penn.