Free invisible hit counter ProfShade: Ethics Chairman Proposes Probe of DeLay

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Ethics Chairman Proposes Probe of DeLay

Panel Calls NASA for Expertise

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WASHINGTON -- House Ethics Committee Chairman 'Doc' Hastings has proposed a probe of Congressman Tom DeLay of Texas. "Listen, we could dig around in his shorts all day long and not find what we're after," said Hastings in a Capitol Hill press conference yesterday, "but it's time to take a bold new approach and drill down on this issue." Hastings, in an unprecedented step, has enlisted NASA to deploy a Deep Sphincter Probe on DeLay. The prototype probe has been dubbed Ethics Reamer I, and is based on technology created at NASA's clandestine labs in Roswell, New Mexico.

"We've already field tested this on Anna-Marie Cox and Richard Gere with great results," Hastings insisted. "In fact we've gotten good readings at a depth up to four meters." The chairman added hastily that metric units of measurement are the galactic standard when deploying anal probes.

When asked whether the new technology may be deployed to probe Senate and Congressional Democrats, the Democrat Senate leadership replied, "Self-examination of Democrat anal emissions has revealed no offensive odors."

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