Rumsfeld Closes Arkansas
Washington, D.C.- In addition to advocating the closing of 33 military bases across the U.S., Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced the government would close the entire state of Arkansas as well. "We'll save millions. And most people living their won't notice a damned thing," added the Secretary. The Pentagon said in a related statement that this was a forward-looking project. "We figure the next step may be combining North and South Dakota. Who the hell knows the difference unless they live there?" asked an anonymous Pentagon analyst. Iowa could not be reached for comment. Also under consideration is selling off mid-sized cities in Ohio. "Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus. They all start with the letter 'C', they all have the same damned donut shops and malls, and they sure were a pain in the ass during the last election," Rumsfeld continued.